Writer Interviews Take 2 – Mr Jonathan Martin


Okay here goes, 10 questions I will randomly pull out of the ether with which to gain some much needed insight into the mind of poet, scriptwriter, vodka swigger and co-author of The Masonic Plague, Mr Jonathan Martin.

Q1. You drive all night through pouring rain, the country lanes illuminated only by moonlight and the your own headlights. You pull off down a disused and overgrown track until you arrive at an old house. The house is run down and clearly hasn’t been occupied for decades, however you see up in the highest attic window of the house a candle burning upon the window sill. You manage to barge the front door open and slowly make your way through the old house. Cobwebs and dust covering you as you make your way up the rickety wooden staircase. You reach the landing and step across creaking floorboards until you reach another set of steps that lead up to the attic where you saw the candle. Opening the door you see the room is empty except for a large wooden trunk in the middle of the room. You unlatch its old rusted lock and with a mighty heave you swing open the lid to reveal to your horror … what?

The complete works of Abba and everything ever made by The Spice Girls

Q2. If the world were to end in the next 6 hours, what would you spend that time doing?

Unfortunately I probably can’t type my exact answer here but rest assured it’d be noisy, sweaty and pleasureable.

Q3. If you were given the opportunity to spend one night partying VIP style with any celebrity (living or dead) who would it be? where would you go? and what would you do?

Now if this was just getting to know and talking to a person I’d have to say Ayrton Senna everytime as he’s my absolute hero of all time. But you, you naughty man, said the dangerous word partying… So with that in mind I’d probably go for Aerosmith in the mid to late 70’s. As for where I’d go I think that’d probably be ‘to hell’ and as for what I’d do well that’s easy with the stuff they got up to I’d ‘probably die’!

Q4. Author that has perhaps influenced you the most in your own writing and why?

Probably without doubt your good self, as without you this monster would never of even have been devised!

Q5. Do aliens exist? And have you any experiences of probing?

Aliens definitely exist, I believe we have one in the White House right now. Though clearly that’s a rather inferior species which will hopefully be shortly eradicated by a severe bout of chicken pox. As for probing… well there was this one time… at band camp… Fuck No!

Q6. In your opinion what are the best 5 horror movies you have ever seen?

Oooh this is so tough and I’ll probably be heavily judged and criticised for these choices but hey I’m deranged, I’m allowed to make bad choices so you can all lay off, lol!

1. The Entity – Spooky, freaky, disturbing and pervy all in one!

2. Poltergueist – That Tree and that Clown have a lot to answer for.

3. Bram Stokers Dracula – It’s Dracula and I always had a thing for Winona Ryder

4. An American Werewolf in London – Awesome and it has werewolfs, I love anything wolfy.

5. Donnie Darko – Slightly weird but very watchable, it’s a Mad World.

Q7. Not a lot of people will know this, and it isn’t giving too much away in the book, but you were responsible for the creation of one of the Masonic Plague’s main protagonists and all round man in black Sir Maxton Silas. What I would like to ask and I’m sure the people who are reading this would like to know is, if this book were to be made into a film (or TV series I wouldn’t be fussy), who would you ideally see playing this big role and why?

Oooh that’s a tough question… to be honest I’m not entirely sure but I’d imagine Russell Crowe could bring a very interesting edge to the role. One thing is for sure though, anyone that has ever played a mildly nice vampire in any tv show, anywhere, ever would have to be immediately ruled out, no softies allowed on this one!

Q8. Books I have read suggest that reoccurring nightmares of your own demise could be your traumatised mind remembering how you have died in a previous life, have you ever had reoccurring nightmares and what were they about?

When I was a small lad (probably around the age of 8ish) I did have re-occurring dreams of a tanker that sank. This happened every night for several days, getting more intense until after just shy of a week a tanker actually sank just as I saw in my dream. I find if I have reoccuring dreams about anything they usually happen, saying that its very rare this ever happens these days, I hardly ever remember dreams.

Q9. It can be a painfully solitary and unsociable life as a writer, the biggest difference between a successful and unsuccessful writer being the brand of vodka they drink, but what I am always interested in knowing because I’m nosey like that is, when you are busy tip tapping away upon your keyboard what can you see? I’m talking, which room? computer or laptop? Pen and paper? Do sticky notes cover your wall? Are you facing a window? Do you have music gently playing in the background? Or do you write better whilst out and about? In a cafe perhaps or the local seedy strip joint? What is the environment like that enables you to do what you do?

Erm I feel I should probably answer such a long winded and effort filled question with something exciting and dramatic that will excite you to your core and make you tremble. But erm well to be honest, more often than not I write in silence in either my bedroom or my lounge and usually tap away on a laptop, though I sometimes write notes on my phone and have even been known to audio record parts of the story while driving to and from work (hands free of course). However I can reveal that Chapter one of the new book was actually mostly written in Dahab, Egypt, on a beautiful sunny day while staring out across the Red Sea.

Q10. The celebrity encounter you mentioned in question 3 is now the focus for this last question. Write a short 4 line poem about the night spent with that celebrity.

The dwarfs were all on fire and naked women all around,

With body parts gyrating to the blissful moaning sound.

An alcohol fuelled night of passion, no inhibitions to be found,

Steven made me do it, we’re all now straddled, gagged and bound!


Okay now that’s out the way I best get on with something really productive like making a good strong brew and dunking a biccie!

Rest well


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